James and The Giant Whoops!
by redjagglerock
Summary: Part 2 of Out of the Frying Pan and Into to the Toilet Series. An afternoon BBQ with the Roberts. One older kid, two toddlers, and an infant. Smooth sailing, right?


James and the Giant Whoops

Part 2 of "Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Toilet Series"

Follow on to "How to Train a Mini Marine"

* * *

Mac calls down from the nursery where she is changing four-month-old Matthew Harmon Rabb, "Harm, the Roberts will be here any minute, can you make sure that everything is set up in the kitchen."

Harm frustratingly bellows from the downstairs bathroom, "Yes dear, as soon as Trisha and I are done in the bathroom."

It's been over four months, and Harm is still paying the price for leaving the toilet seat up one night! He knew he would have to do penance, but this has gotten ridiculous. How come Mac gets the easy job of changing Matthew, and he still has to fight with potty training Trisha? It definitely seems like the boys should hang together and so should the girls. Not that he is going to vent any of these frustrations to Mac, he damn well knows better! Firstly, he likes his manhood, and is worried she might chop it off. Secondly, he likes his bed, and doesn't really wish to sleep on the couch or out of the house. That damn couch is way too uncomfortable for his oversized frame. Lastly, he loves his wife, and will do whatever he has to in order to keep her happy. Maybe those things aren't in the right priority order, but they all still apply. Normally she grounds him, but lately she is driving him insane! If he didn't know better, he would think it was hormones and that she was pregnant again. However, her monthly visitor was just here last week so he knows that can't be it. Maybe he can bend Bud's ear in a little when he gets here and see if he has any suggestions for dealing with a crazy marine! Otherwise, he will just have to hide somewhere and have a fighter pilot pity party.

The honest truth is that Trisha is actually doing fairly well. She has only experienced one accident since the fateful day she tried to go potty like Daddy. Mac still hasn't let him live that one down yet either! Even though they have been married for several years, there is still a competitive streak existing between Harm and Mac. He just doesn't seem to be lucky enough to catch her in a big mistake that he can use against her later. Maybe, he will need to enlist the help of a co-conspirator, aka his daughter, for funny things that Mommy gets caught doing that he just doesn't know about!

Harm and Trisha have just finished washing their hands when Harm hears the doorbell. He hoists Trisha onto his shoulders and goes to meet his guests. Before he can even get out a greeting, as soon as the door opens, AJ and Jimmy Roberts are rushing into the house in a whirlwind. Harm chuckles at their exuberance and wonders if he can bottle some of their energy for later. Harriet is immediately apologetic, "I'm so sorry Sir, they are just so excited to be here."

Harm rolls his eyes, "Harriet, home many times do I have to tell you that it's Harm, not Sir?"

Bud chuckles, "I'm not sure she will ever learn, Sir…I mean Harm."

Mac comes up behind Harm laughing, with Matthew on her hip, and a godson holding on to either side of her pants. "Harriet, Bud, it's great to see you. We are so happy that you could join us for a cookout today."

Harriet smiles, reaching for Matthew, "Oh, Ma'am, we wouldn't have missed it for the world. It has been too long since we had a chance to get together like this."

Mac hands her son over and sighs, "Harriet, it's Mac! I'll make you a deal, you manage to call us by our names today and I'll make sure that Harm feeds you real meat instead of a veggie burger!"

Harriet blushes, chagrined, "I'll try…Mac."

Harm hands Trisha over to Mac and bends down to his godson's level. "Ok boys, why don't you see if you can help Daddy and Uncle Harm out on the grill. We'll see if we can scare up some dead animal for your mom and Aunt Mac."

Jimmy looks up at his dad with tears brimming in his eyes, "Dad, we aren't really going to kill any animals, are we?"

Bud ruffles his hair, "No son, dead animal is just what your Uncle Harm calls any meat."

Jimmy looks at them quizzically, as this makes absolutely no sense to his almost four-year-old mind, "Why?"

Bud chuckles, "You know son, I don't know."

Jimmy looks up at his godfather, "Uncle Harm, you are just silly!" Can we go play in the sandbox?"

Harm laughs, "Sure, the sandbox is right next to the grill, so you can play while your dad and I cook. Let me go grab the plates from the kitchen and I will meet you guys outside. Mac, do you want me to take Matthew with us?"

Bud looks towards the kitchen, seeing the elaborate spread of dishes and baskets, and quickly interjects, "Boys, just wait a minute. I think Uncle Harm will need my hands to take some stuff out as well. We can all go outside together."

The guys load up their arms with hot dogs, hamburgers, kielbasa, veggie burgers, chips, rolls, and condiments, and head out into the backyard.

Mac looks over at Harriet, who is tickling Matthew's tummy and lost in her own little world. She answers her husband, "No, I don't think I can tear him away from his godmother. He can stay on the deck with us." She looks at her daughter, "Trisha, do you want to go with AJ and Jimmy and play in the sandbox, or stay with me and Harriet on the deck?"

Trisha smiles up at her mom, "Oh, I definitely want to play in the sandbox. Can we get the tanks out?"

Mac laughs, "Sure, honey. I'll be right back. I'll bring the Marine men too."

Harriet cocks her eyebrow and quietly questions, "Marine men?"

Mac whispers back, "Yes, Harm insisted that no children of a Marine and a Sailor would be caught dead playing with ARMY men. So, we got the little dudes and Harm spent several hours painting them in desert BDU colors."

Harriet merely cracks up at the logic, "Hence, Marine Men."

Mac laughs, "You got it, I'll be right back." She leans out the back door, "Harm, Honey, Trisha is coming out with you guys. I'm going to grab some stuff for them to play with."

Harm gives her a flyboy grin, "Ok Babe. We'll see you in a few minutes."

Mac returns carrying a tub filled with enough stuff to outfit several regiments.

Harriet stares wide eyed, "Good lord, what do you have in there?"

Mac looks down, "Umm…let's see, I have a few tanks, some Marine men, a bunch of linking logs, a couple of Humvees, missile launchers, a few shovels, and various other things."

Harriet chuckles, "What, no ships and planes?"

Mac grins, "Nah, those are in the tub for the pool, along with guys painted in summer whites, dress blues, and flight suits. My silly husband believes that simulating military war games should be as realistic as possible. He takes this very seriously!"

Harriet just shakes her head. "Alrighty then, should we head out with the guys?"

Mac replies, "Lead the way."

A few minutes later, the guys are manning the grill, and the kids are happily engaged in a full battle in the sandbox. Little AJ is trying to find a way to get to Trisha's forces, which are carefully hidden behind several constructed forts. Jimmy is silently watching the battle. Harriet and Mac settle on the deck in lounge chairs, while Mac nurses Matthew, happily enjoying the peaceful afternoon in the company of good friends.

Harriet looks over at Mac and conspiratorially whispers, "So, how has the potty training been going?"

Mac dramatically sighs before chuckling, "I'm not sure which one of them is worse. Harm gets exasperated when Trisha won't listen, and Trisha stomps her foot when she doesn't like what he says. It's a never-ending battle of wits with those two."

Harriet laughs, "Hmm...this sounds very familiar."

Mac drops her jaw, "I never stomped my foot at him!"

Harriet snickers, "Maybe not literally, but I'm sure you considered it on more than one occasion. Actually, you probably contemplated stomping your foot ON him. The endless fights that the two of you would get into before admitting your feelings were legendary. You could literally feel a cold spell throughout the entire office when the two of you were at odds with each other."

Mac blushes several shades of crimson before acknowledging, "As an upstanding Marine officer, I am only capable of throwing temper tantrums in my head. Not that I would consciously admit to doing that either. Harm and I still fight, it's a part of who we are. We have just learned not to get personal when doing so." She pulls Matthew over her shoulder and begins rubbing tiny circles on his back before adding with a wink, "Besides, the make-up sex is definitely worth it!"

Harriet's whole face turns red. She can only imagine! Regaining her composure, and shifting back to the topic at hand rather than picturing her best friends' husband naked between the sheets, she states, "Well AJ was close to four before he would finally use the adult toilet all the time and I am not having too much luck getting Jimmy fully trained either. I was wondering if a girl was any easier."

Mac glances over at the sandbox, silently grinning at her daughters' strategic battle plan, before replying, "Not that I have noticed, but I don't have a frame of reference yet. It will be a little while before Matthew is ready for training."

Harriet rubs her slightly protruded belly, "I sincerely hope that one of these two little ones is a girl. I'm already outnumbered enough in my house!"

Mac smiles, "Well at least you don't have to live with two Harmon Rabb's. I said before that 'one Harmon Rabb in my life is enough' and then I got a clone anyway."

Harriet chuckles, "But you wouldn't trade either one of them for anything in the world."

Mac glances over at the grill where is husband is animatedly chatting with Bud, and then looks down at the peacefully sleeping boy in her lap and agrees, "Nope, not for anything."

Harm is still waiting for the coals to warm up on the grill so he casually asks Bud, "Are you still working on training Jimmy or has he gotten a handle on things yet?"

Bud scowls, "Not even close! I swear, he is harder to train than AJ was, and I should be a pro at this by now. He just has absolutely no motivation to get out of his training pants. Even him waking up to a wet bed isn't helping! He does fine once we can get him into the bathroom, the problem is us getting to the bathroom in time."

Harm smiles, "At least you have boys! I get embarrassed every time I have to check and make sure Trisha cleaned up everywhere she needs to."

Bud shudders, "I'm definitely not looking forward to that if we have a girl!"

Bud watches Harm as he throws a few burgers onto the ready grill and marvels at the change in his mentor. Just a few short years ago, Harm was someone he idolized, and looked up to for almost everything. Now, the tables have turned, and the student has become the teacher, at least where family matters are concerned. It never would have occurred to him that Harm envied him as well, just for different reasons. The man standing next to him is at peace. It's funny how a loving family, with the right woman, can ground a man used to traveling at Mach speeds, and still make him feel like he is flying.

Harm quickly checks on the group in the sandbox, and sees that they are involved in a full battle, well at least AJ and Trisha are. Jimmy is quietly playing with a pail and a shovel, being careful not to knock down any of the erected forts and castles. Jimmy still hasn't forgotten the wrath of his older brother the last time he ruined something AJ built.

Harm lowers his voice, making sure the kids won't hear, and asks Bud, "So, do AJ and Jimmy ever get you in trouble with Harriet?"

Bud laughs out loud, "All the time, Sir!"

Harm puts his index finger to his mouth, indicating to Bud to lower his voice.

Bud continues, "Just last week, I got busted for taking the boys for ice cream on our way home from daycare. They made a huge mess, but the smiles on their faces was worth it. We got home a little late, so naturally Harriet wondered where we had been, and before I could even start on an explanation, Jimmy took his sticky hand and placed it on Harriet's cheek! I had cleaned them up, but apparently Jimmy had spilled some of his dish on the seat and stuck his hand in it."

Harm tries to hold in his laugh, "And what was your sentence?"

Bud grimaces, "Well, at first, it was just taking over bath time for the next two weeks, until both boys didn't want to eat their dinner. Then, I was informed that I could take over dinner and bath time for the next month, since I didn't obviously didn't appreciate all the hard work she put into making dinner, when she should have been relaxing with her feet up! I'll tell you Sir; her mood swings are about to kill me this time around!"

Harm can't stifle the laugh this time. He thumps Bud on the back and tells him, "You aren't alone, Bud. Mac isn't pregnant anymore, but I am still paying penance for a mistake I made 5 MONTHS ago!"

Bud snorts, "Yes, I can understand that. Harriet still hasn't forgiven me for naming Jimmy after a Star Trek character either. What did you do, Sir?"

Harm vehemently shakes his head, "No way, classified!"

Before Bud can try to pressure him for further details, he realizes that Jimmy has joined their party and is slightly pulling on his shorts.

Bud looks down at his youngest son, "What's up Jimmy?"

Jimmy motions for his father to come down to his level. After whispering something in his ear, Bud stands up and says "Excuse me, Sir, we need to go use the little boy's room."

Harm says, "Use the one of the living room, there is a step stool in there as well. I'll finish cooking here, and yell when everything is ready."

Bud replies, "Thank you. We'll be back as soon as we can."

Harm finishes grilling all the food and carries various plates over to the picnic tables. He calls over to Mac, and asks if she can watch AJ and Trisha for a couple of minutes while he washes his hands and brings out the buns. As he walks in the house, the guest bathroom door is still shut, so he runs up to his room to clean up. He comes back outside, where Harriet, Mac, and Matthew are already seated at one of the tables. Bud and Jimmy are sitting at the other one.

Mac yells over, "Trisha, AJ, lunch is ready so go get washed up so we can eat."

Trisha whines, "But mom, we aren't finished yet and I am about to win!"

Mac gives her the Marine Drill Sergeant death stare, "Young lady, go wash up, NOW!"

Harriet adds, "AJ, you too!"

AJ yells, "Yes, mom" and starts running towards the house.

Trisha stands up and dusts the sand off of her clothes and stomps by in a huff, "Fine!"

Mac stands up, and passes Matthew to Harm before calling her daughter over to the side. "Trisha, you will not speak to me that way or there will be no more playing this afternoon. Do you understand?"

Trisha looks up with tears in her eyes, "Yes, Ma'am."

Mac looks at her, "That's my girl, go in and wash your hands."

As the kids are getting cleaned up, Harriet smiles at Mac, "I guess Harm isn't the only one she stomps her foot at."

Mac rolls her eyes, "Apparently not!"

Harm adds, "Yep, that's my Mini Marine all right!"

Mac turns and sticks her tongue out at him!

A few minutes later, Trisha and AJ come running out of the house. Trisha yells, "Daddy forgot the rules and left the seat up again."

Mac stares up at Harm with pursed lips and an arched eyebrow.

Harm stammers emphatically, "I DID NOT! I wasn't even in the downstairs bathroom!"

Bud, realizing now, what Harm wouldn't tell him earlier about his mistake, turns sheepishly to Harm, "I'm sorry Sir, I thought Jimmy put the seat down when he was done. I wasn't paying attention."

The ladies laugh, and Harm groans, silently wondering what trouble will befall him next.

The End


End file.
